How to talk with your child about dad?
How to talk with your child about dad, if dad never or very rarely comes to visit the baby? This question bothers many divorced moms. Ready-made solutions no. The easiest way to tell fictional stories. Sometimes, the stories of the popes-the pilots or sailors moms replace the history of failed marriages… Another option is the Pope-the scoundrels who left mom and child. Both, alas, does not make the child happier. How not to go to extremes? Psychologists offer some guidance.
Love mom and dad – that’s all a child really important. If one parent is not around, for the child is a serious loss. In the framework of the child’s logic, the absence of the Pope interpreted this way: “I was bad, so dad left me.” My mother’s task is to convey to the child all the love to him for some reason, not reached. Would be great to show your child photos of his father, to tell how mom and dad met and were waiting for his appearance. For crumbs is important to know that mom and dad loved each other, and therefore they had such a nice and wonderful child.
The belief that “I am the fruit of love”, helps the child feel good. And here are the details of separation of the parents is not worth telling, as this baby is not concerned. You can just say: “my dad and I decided to live separately, he is far away and cannot see you. But he loves you and thinks a lot about you.”
The child incorporates traits of both parents. How easy is it to him if mom sometimes says, “Your father was a bad man”? Translated into “children’s” language it sounds so: “You half-bad man”. Because psychologically the child is half dad and half mom. Mom is careful to handle dad’s “half” in their child. Even if dad is not very carefully applied with the mother, his mate’s child – perfect!
To make up for the absence of his father, to say to the kid: “You’re so brave (agile, strong, persistent, fair, etc.), as dad!” These comparisons are noted primarily masculine qualities, if a son. Then he will be what are the challenges in his boyish behavior.
If the language mom did not dare to say something nice about the father of her child, it is better not to say anything. This “silence” is, my father will inflict less harm than stories about “bad” Pope.
If the father is not in the near future will not, before mom gets up question: try to replace the child of both parents or only the mother? You can try to create a virtual dad to the bearer of masculinity. If a child is spoiled, it must be said: “Dad was not happy with this behaviour”. When the child is happy, we need to emphasize: “Dad would be proud of you!” As a result, the mother becomes a mother, and the child does not occur in the head, confusion of male and female roles.
And if dad ever you find the opportunity to meet with the child, it will not appear out of nowhere, and will take their the legitimate place for him so wisely “kept” mom.