Feeling a sense of loss, resentment, adolescents still be able to adequately imagine the causes and consequences of divorce, the quality of their relationships with each parent. Boys in most cases, experiencing negative feelings towards his father and strongly attached to his mother. In girls in relation to mother appear critical notes: “For not watching, it is clear why dad left”. Sometimes admire his new girlfriend.
Every parent should discuss with the child his feelings, persuade and words and actions that neither one of the parents will. The child needs to communicate with relatives and mother’s side and father’s side, with their peers, actively participate in public and social life, exercise. It is very important to help the child to find an area of success where children can realize their potential and abilities. This allows you to escape from unpleasant thoughts, enhances self-esteem, does not allow the child to withdraw into themselves.
TIPS FOR PARENTS
v If the divorce was not by mutual consent, if one of the spouses traumatized by the divorce left him, some children are traumatized even more. They see the suffering that dear one them people brought as well a dear person. And love-they are both parents. They can’t be not on any side, and parents often expect the children stand with each of them on the same side. In this situation, the children try to take it all back, to make mom and dad reunited. Start breaking behavior, as if speaking an absent parent: “Rest with us cannot cope. See mark become worse, constantly sick, with other children quarrel, beer, cigarettes…” While the children try to turn it back around the time of their life goes. But the effort spent not to develop normally, to communicate, to find their interests and Hobbies, and to reduce the suffering of, say mom, to give her the opportunity to stay in touch with dad. Family breakdown is bad for children, but also to live in conflict, formal family, too bad. No one knows that the child is worse: the parents divorce or unhappy marriage. Therefore, cooperation between parents regarding child should not stop.
v If the final decision of parents, each of them need to talk to your child, explain the causes of the gap taking into account his age, to assure him of his love, to tell how the relationship will be maintained in the future.
v don’t be afraid to openly discuss with the child his feelings for the departed parent. Whatever they are negative or positive.
v Discuss the situation with their loved ones and relatives of the former spouse. Reassure them that the child is very important their support and continued relationship.
v if possible, do not change dramatically in a residence, school. For most children in this period is particularly important habitual emotional connection.
v will Agree with the child that he better answer if some of the others will ask questions about the divorce occurred. Explain that it happens in the lives of many people, and he has nothing to be ashamed of.
v To what extent you will share with the child about their experiences. But do not shift the burden of their worries, resentments and bitterness at his son or daughter, waiting on them sympathy and support. Often the child and so develops an acute sense of guilt, although he is not to blame for the breakup of their parents. Not to aggravate this feeling.
v it is Clear that at the time of the divorce and some time after his parents themselves are in bad morale. And yet try not to cherish constantly his grief in front of the child. He should not feel at this time unnecessary, forgotten, alone. But don’t start excessively to take care of it all, creating between you addiction.
v Try to save or restore the ability to communicate, albeit not on all issues. This is important for self-esteem and feelings of self-esteem of the child.
v If possible, install the normal interaction with the new (s) companion (n) your former spouse. Child this will give you an example of constructive solutions to life’s problems.
v make it a rule never to eat in front of the child about his father or mother. Because he perceives himself as a part of both of you. So if you say bad about a former spouse, it’s hit and himself.
v Fill your life and the life of a child by new studies, communication, travel… After some time after the parents divorce, a child’s emotional state is gradually returning to normal.