Obstinacy and whims of children 2-3 years old
Stubbornness and whims in children are not uncommon. Sometimes there are complaints only of stubbornness, sometimes only of Caprice, and sometimes of both. They may alternate in the same child at different ages. Both stubbornness and whims are two sides of the same violation – a manifestation of socialization difficulties: in stronger children, this is expressed in stubbornness, in weak children – in whims.
The first manifestations of stubbornness are found in very young children – at the age of 2-3 years. It is during this period that the child sharply increases activity, independence, and perseverance in achieving their own, even the most simple desires. At this time, the baby may already have its own opinion, which does not always coincide with the opinion of parents, and tries to defend it. One way to get your own way is to be stubborn – the first attempt to get your own way.
The tactics of parents during this period should be reduced to patient and persistent, but soft in form of introducing the child to the rules and norms accepted in society. From the adults around him, the baby learns the right ways to act with objects: you can stroke a cat, not pull its tail; you can leaf through a book, looking at pictures in it, but you can not tear or wipe a puddle on the floor with it. When communicating with adults, the child also understands the first rules of behavior with people: you can count on the help of adults if you ask them to, but you can not achieve your goal by shouting, crying, etc.
The desire of parents to eradicate stubbornness is always to some extent the source of this very stubbornness and exacerbates its manifestation. Stubbornness is characteristic of children who are energetic, quite “strong in spirit”, with high self-esteem. Does it make sense to fight so hard against this peculiar manifestation of independence of the child? Isn’t it better to put all the qualities that underlie stubbornness in the right direction? This is possible only under one mandatory condition-respect for the baby.
At times, all children are capricious, for example, when a sharp violation of the usual way of life – placement in kindergarten, but when the situation is normalized, the whims disappear. If they become a constant, habitual form of behavior, it is a signal of trouble. A capricious child, as a rule, is in a special state of “readiness” for a whim: if a stubborn baby shows its stubbornness only in response to the behavior or demands of parents, then the capricious one begins to fret, whine and cry for any reason. If for the “stubborn” the most important thing is not to give in to an adult, but to insist on his own and if the adult leaves behind, gives up on him, he will only be happy, then the “Caprice”, on the contrary, rather seeks to achieve even more attention to himself, to his person. A stubborn child always has an opinion, a desire, and a goal to achieve. His favorite expression: “I want to! ». A petulant child has favorite words: “I don’t want to! ». He prefers to consistently refuse everything that adults offer him, in the hope that he will finally agree. He really likes to be the center of attention, so when refusing something, the kid almost never offers his option.
If the child’s stubbornness is the result of excessive demands of parents, then the whims, on the contrary, are the result of excessive compliance of his relatives. The main thing that parents should do is to change their attitude to the child, to abandon the usual “authoritarian” position, to learn to treat it not as a completely subordinate and dependent entity, but as a person who has certain rights, their own opinion, which is quite worthy of respect. A whimsical child usually grows up in an atmosphere of universal self-indulgence. It does not meet with a strict, categorical refusal, even in cases where it is necessary. Such a child is without initiative, does not know how to make any effort, is not familiar with the demands of adults and does not imagine another life. Usually, children who are prone to whims, very much value the attention of adults and painfully tolerate its absence. It is not their fault that this attention is often expressed in endless persuasions or discussions of what the child does not want, and what he wants. It is necessary to diversify the experience of communication with adults and peers, to include them in the common cause, to attract them. It is necessary to encourage the independence of the child in every possible way, to offer him to do something very interesting: wash his socks, build a “garage” and put all the cars there, and so on. The element of independence in most cases is perceived by preschoolers as a very important and new, previously inaccessible privilege. This should be used and in every possible way to support the baby’s belief that he was terribly lucky when, for example, he was allowed to put the plates on the table or something else.