School for adoptive parents

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Is it possible to teach love and patience for 30 hours, found out the correspondent “RG” School for foster parents today are created in the country for more than three years working in the Samara region, 80 percent of foster children in the Samara region, crossing the threshold of adulthood, continue to reside in which they have become family homes. Taking the family to the child, one should not expect immediate appreciation.

Psychologist Samara city centre “Family” Elena Tonkobaeva says that the establishment of such schools was that collected together the questions which are often asked in the consultation adoptive parents, who already has children. Among the main problems were: lying, stealing, sloppiness, learning difficulties due to mental retardation, conflicts with the native child.

After analyzing the picture, I realized that most foster parents do not have enough knowledge of the basics of developmental psychology. To this decided to add and practical skills required in family education.

Tutorial for advanced New program of the Federal Ministry of education, which came into force from October this year, differs from Samara know-how the fact that it focuses more specifically to the issues of children having the experience of living in dysfunctional families. After all, unlike native Chad, they have already managed to survive the neglect and abuse of adults passed through the separation from their family, have experience of vagrancy and life in institutions – all this for a long time leaving a mark on their behavior.

But people are taking the child to the family, sometimes illusions: first time he was not given love, now it is enough to put the baby in a comfortable environment, be kind to, to buy good toys and feed – and he will be grateful.

– Must know and be prepared for certain the specifics of such children. For example, if a child stole to survive in adverse conditions, this skill will not forget so easy, even if it gets in terms of where he is well fed. And parents need to commit child stealing, dishonor him: “you belong in prison, you’re just like your parents went and just like them, thieving will”, and patiently explain that it is wrong… the Task of adoptive parents is to help children to develop skills necessary for life in the new conditions, – says Elena Tonkobaeva.

Parental teaching

To teach the parent craft for 30 hours (and not enough), but to give the basics of proper behavior with a difficult child is real.

– The curriculum is lecture unit 13, and this printed material we give parents at home: have questions – ask at the seminar takes place there and the control of knowledge. And in the classroom in the center “Family” already fulfilled practical skills – how to behave if a child stole some sweets from the shop, what if teen Masturbates on which side to stand, when the adopted child has a fight with family?

The answers to these questions, parents are looking for under the guidance of a psychologist who gives an explanation.

The child was taken from a children’s institution, and now he’s well-fed and well-groomed, but continues to hide under the mattress food. If you scold and give him heat, he will carry products to attract

attention. It is a feature of many children who had a difficult life.

Often the adopted child is sloppy: hides things behind the battery or puts the dirty clothes with clean. It is not surprising, because in the orphanage he lived in such circumstances, where things could not divide on their own and others, clean and dirty – all lay in a pile.

All you whether the school

School is important not only for kids going on a family residence, but also for the adoptive parents. After all, the emergence of a “foreign” child in the family is stressful, which can last years. So, before we proceed directly to the practice, psychologists working a lot with candidates.

We have a test showing the strengths and weaknesses of the parents, but a clear answer to the question whether the child’s family, it does not. I always repeat that to select the child should not head and heart: what happens to a man when he sees, speaks, touches the child. In my practice there was a case when a woman came to the reception and said he doesn’t want to go on a date with actually a good girl. I explained, then it’s not your child and feelings let you know, – says Elena Tonkobaeva.

But there are times when the family is already at the beginning of practice rejected the idea to take the child. That’s OK, because, thanks to the immersion in the problem, the adults time to understand what their true desires are in no way connected with the care of a foster child. From this response and child benefit – will not survive another betrayal.

– Now in our group are 17 members: six couples and five singles, who are preparing to become guardians. In fact, for close relatives school is not compulsory, but the majority of the useful skills not refuse. We have a very active grandmother, who sets the tone for all the classes, said Elena Tonkobaeva. – After two months of training, and they are held once a week, foster parents have a test in which they must explain is described in the ticket psychological situation, which at any time may face in life.

The school recognised that to grad school. Especially self-confident there are people who have the experience of raising your own child – “we have nothing to learn”.

– In my practice there was a woman who missed classes, on the grounds that she is a pediatrician and can reach out to any kid, even a cranky patient. But when she took a foster child, appreciation

I was, as her hard. Well, that came for consultation quickly, did not bring the situation to the crisis – says Elena Tonkobaeva.

Not liking or not in mind

Cases of the return of foster children at least rarely, but it happens, recognized Samara specialists. Usually in this case revealed the complete psychological unavailability of adoptive parents to accept the child such what it is.

When we analyzed the statistics of family breakdown, we were interested not so much the number of reasons.

It turned out that the reluctance of parents to educate a foster child leads to the disintegration of the relationship on different terms. In some it happens almost immediately, some after 5-7 years. For example, take the preschooler, which is still easy to manage adult and adolescent starts to protest reaction. The trouble is that these parents didn’t go to a psychologist and didn’t know that you can turn to him for advice, they concealed the problem from a social pedagogue. But when the situation is heated up to a limit, such parent comes to the child and says: “Take the child”, – notes with regret Elena Tonkobaeva.

Not to bring the situation to “the edge”, in the school of adoptive parents immediately after their discovery began to invite not only newcomers, but also those moms and dads who have already released into adulthood first “wards”. And, like I said then “seasoned”, they got a lot of new information and rethink your last parental experience. And the “rich” mother of the Samara region Valentina Chekmareva, raised 36 children (21 of which foster) sure, taking the children in foster care, you need to soberly assess their parental power and learn in the school of adoptive parents.

Irina Cicurina

“Rossiyskaya Gazeta – Nedelya” on December 27, 2012—Thursday No. 300 (5973)

News from rubric:

Announced an open competition for the design of two stations of the second stage of the Samara metro “Vokzalnaya” and “Karl Marx”, and the span between them. The initial price set at 456,8 million. The competition results will be announced on 1 October.

September 11, 1586 In Samara to Susukino came a caravan of military-political mission Murad Giray. Fled to Russia Crimean Prince was accompanied by the magistrates. and Burtsev and numerous group of Riflemen. On the third day morning, the planes continued their way to Astrakhan. * September 11, 1737, V. N. Tatischev signed a ruling on the construction of a hospital, pharmacy, laboratory and “vegetable garden” for growing herbs, as well as “hard” court for the exiles. * 1955. In Kuibyshev at the stadium “Dynamo”, was an international football match between the team of “Zenit” and national team of India. Kuybyshevskiy the players won with the score 4:1.

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