The Love of parents is the program

Parents and children

Our instinctive love of children (ethologists would say — parental care) we are not alone in the animal world. In many species, parents attached to their children. Often, it is only to his own. Gull, great mom, biting and can even kill the alien chick, wandered on her colognebuy territory. And to wander long in the colony, all nests nearby. There are people (and quite a lot of them, usually they just hide it) who also love their children. But in most people there is another love — the love of children in General. Other people’s children. And this, from the point of view of the instinctive programs, not one and the same. When it originated and what was? This is a very interesting story, and it leads us to the emergence of man. Our closest relatives — the great apes — the way of life of its collectors, and as our direct ancestors. They don’t live in herds, and a very small kinship groups. And it is clear: major collector to anything big, hard-organized herd. Everyone gathers for himself, and not a lot of food will collect, collect if around others. You have many instinctive programs corresponding to this lifestyle: territorialism with his desire not to let outsiders into their territory, the instinct of ownership, individual distance — the minimum distance to another individual, the violation of which causes discomfort, aggression, complex rituals of convergence (don’t come near me suddenly, in front, in an emphasis does not see, the hands don’t hide and show for inspection, show teeth, smile, etc.). Very social these animals are usually uncomfortable with constant communication instincts weakened, often rudimentary.

There is an opinion (and its something we will discuss) that originally our ancestors-gatherers pushed towards a group of the organization for a very long childhood of their offspring. Why childhood is so stretched out is also very interesting, but here is irrelevant. Let’s count. Puberty at the age of 14-16 years. First child at age 15-17 years. Diet collectors is such that the children can learn at the age of 4 years. Four years, the mother fed the child milk and at this time to become pregnant could not. Following childbirth, therefore, 20 — 21 years. And the average length of life of the mother is 26 years old. “Average mother” did not survive to adulthood of their children. Who would take care of them? Relatives and all other members of the group. But that such a way of education was effective, first, requires closer integration is a fairly large number of individuals in the herd, and secondly, you need to have the instinct to care for their offspring were distributed to all children and manifested itself at an early age — even before the birth of their child. All that we have. Remember how teenage girls are eager to babysit children (dolls, as before, and the living), and sisters-women cherish the love of nieces and nephews.

The love of parents has a program

Like some animals — wolves, wild geese, — we remember and love our children for life. And they us? Too, but their reaction has age program. The baby born, imprinting (captures) mother — her image, voice, smell, even the rhythm of the pulse. All of its quality stained positive emotions (she, like sealed homeland the best) and discussion from reason not be until the child is age dependent.

The human child and obviously have a need to have a father. This observation is very important. It is said that once, someone from our ancestral fathers were connected to the care of posterity. (How and by whom is the subject of a separate investigation.) You desire your child to have the father may take it for granted. But I don’t. Because I know that apes the males of the children don’t care and their cubs in the fathers do not need.

Programme, shared with many animals, the parent of the opposite sex is both a model of the future marriage partner. Therefore, children often go through a period of being in love with one parent and jealousy of his to another. Later we’ll discuss why and why natural selection has mixed to the love of parents a bit of sexual love. This desired admixture, due to the fact that the origins of its people do not understand, often very bitter. A significant portion of Freudian complexes and the fruit of this instinctive program.

With the onset of puberty the young generation of the family in most animals should break up, the children began an independent life. The initiative for implementation of family breakdown in many species of animals entrusted to the young. They instinctively begin to exhibit this behavior, which is unbearable for adults. Grown males from time to time treat the father like some adult males, irritating him and even threatening. Old male such attacks are acting provocatively, and he gives them back, demonstrating the power of its aggressiveness, before which the young male passes and returns to the dependent child’s behavior. However, clashes again and eventually brood breaks up, as parents no longer read to their young cubs, and young — of their former parents.

When this program starts to act in humans, it causes problems “fathers and children”. Modern so-called difficult children, transition age still completely dependent on parents legally, geographically, materially and spiritually. They can’t leave the family. This reinforces the conflict, as the program doesn’t succeed. Seeing as sometimes this will distort the behavior of a teenager, how much agony he is undergoing, not knowing what was happening to him, the suffering of the parents, too, could not understand, suddenly become aware of how power over a man’s instinctive programme for the conduct of their ancestors. We can say that a truly human relationship between parents and children are formed only after puberty is held.

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